find me

Time has pass, I’m not the same girl i was in the 2009, where did she go? I wish I could find her, and I know it not possible, I’ve always loved English but I never thought I I’ll get to the point I couldn’t express myself in my own language, it’s like I can’t say it at least not in Spanish, what happened to me? I want to go back in time , I remember those days when I was thinking life is a shit when I used to cut myself for everything, stop eating and troth it up everything I ate, I thought I was stronger, but I wasn’t , of course I had problems, which were made by me, why did I had to screw it up?, who cares , what I’m talking about is, used to know everything how to act in the exactly moment, I controlled people to make them do what I want, and better than that no one’s realize about what I was doing, somehow looking back all it seems so perfect, it was some kind of perfect with him the only one who I really care someday, I could say the problem was me, anything about that, there weren’t problems which involved people who wasn’t me, I lie, of course it were, but I didn’t care ,no really, they don’t affected me. That’s past tense, why should I care about it? I don’t know but I do, I used just to write sentences, no questions, what happened with that, am certain I know everything, so why do I ask?, I think I just I can’t accepted , somehow it’s like if I do I have to solve it, I know I will, but what the hell would I do without problems, life it’s about make steps and steps, but what if there’s no more steps to do? What should I do? Life wouldn’t have sense to me, shall I died? No, I guess. It’s been a long time since I wrote for last time a year I think, a lot of things has happened, and this is a new star, writing, but it’s not cause I want, cause the other document where I was writing its somewhere I can’t go in there. I decided to wait until I can, well I couldn’t, I just can’t trust people but if I don’t talk I know I’ll get mad, and I know there’s no one better than me to advise me, no one. People can listen, but they don’t really understand you, they don’t care , they can said they will be there and that’s just faked, they make a lot of promises without sense and they don’t keep them.so what the hell should I do then? Fuck then all? No, I don’t think so but I don’t know how long I can be that way.
Today… what did I do today? Just nothing, well I’ve been downloading anime and some yanki series , I’ve been watching skins, the best serie ever, and I started to think, when I was younger when I first saw it, I wanted life to be that way, but the other people don’t, I guess they were too young, but now, all people are that way and I’m like, are you serious? What they are doing what they want to do I’ve already done it, so what? They are different to me, and being honest I don’t really know if I want to be with them. I have to do A LOT OF HOMEWORK but I just can’t make up my mind, like something don’t let me do that, but I I guess it’s me.