fuck fuck fuck

Fuck fuck fuck, why all has to end so screw, it’s always the same, we organize to hang up somewhere or just to do something, and then m and l changes the plan, and if there’s something I can’t stand is when people change the plans, that get me out of my nerves, then one of them or both say we can’t hang up with you, because you get on bad humor and you screw it everything, but it’s not my fault, cause they know that get me out of my nerves, and they keep doing again and again, and it’s not like they change it while we are organizing they tell me ALWAYS on the last minute, and sure it’s never left the m hurting comments that makes it end even worse, like you always screw it everything or okay you can stay bored in your place watching anime, I mean I get that she’s angry but she don’t have to say hurting things, and then she tray to fix thing but its late and tell me to do what we were up to do at first, I mean at that time all I want to do is stay in home crying or cut myself , if it weren’t for my pride I would cry for almost everything, I’m not stronger, I can’t be sad because I will stay that way for almost a week, I’m starting to get it, when happiness only comes when you hurt yourself and you fall in that illusion that you are strong, cause you can stand that, you thing you can with everything, you don’t need anyone but you, but the truth is you are screwing everything, no matter what people do to you, you have biggest problems to fix, that problem is you, while you are turning into a dead in life, and your body is dying, it’s a sweet lie to believe in, you end living in a world where nobody can hurt, when you are senseless, where you fell nothing, where you cut yourself just to fell what you still alive, where that cut its bleeding to the point you could die, and you don’t care, the dead doesn’t scare you, you existence turn so ephemeral so fragile, so cold, then life turn into a game, you have fun hurting people, but you know perfectly that even the wind can hurt you. I can’t deny it living by yourself, that world seems so perfect, but I know it’s not, but I know it’s better than this, life could be a nightmare, as it could be wonderful. These are that kind of days, when you don’t want to be alive, when you realize there’s no one to run to, no one to trust, no one to support you, when you realize you are alone, when you want to see you own blood running. I just want to cry, I want to see my body to the bones, I want to cut myself to almost die.