Wtf, those days been kind of weir, couse , days are passing to fast and its like it was yesterday when I was sick of going to school and now, the test are over, in 2 days, will be like, hello summer goodbye school, well no exactly couse I have to go to the summer school for math, but I don’t really care I mean is just one subject its not even all, just a quarter so no worries. I realize that I been myself again, ive fight with Lourdes, and ju want us to fix it, I don’t have any problem with that, but im not going to be the one who apologize couse im not sorry , I don’t even care, the funniest thing is what she said what people left me when y have hundred friends more than she, a lot of more people to hang up, I mean shes such a loser, but the most weir of all is what si used to be my best friend and we fought , but I don’t care I mean its like I ve never know her and I don’t give a shit about her.so im been myself again causeim started be more cold I don’t fucking know why but well I don’t fucking know anything. For ther part its been more that a yerar without doing that stuff but, I did it, at firsti kneel and I looked at the toilet like,what the fuck im up to do, I mean I knew it was wrong but I just I had to do it, and well, I did it, the feeling of my tear running through my face ,my stomach empty without those pizzas, time a go I did it couse I just it was impossible to live with that fucking feeling of grass inside of me and I just had go get it out. But this time it wasn’t like that couse I did it cause I had to, and when I did it I felt like myself again,but, been myself its not a good thing I mean been me includes stop eating trough up the food, cut myself , be the most cold I can, it something bad,but I still been me and I cant change it, even if I die, im proud of who I really im.
30 nov 2011
byebye school
18 nov 2011
the game of life
Ok, yesterday was weird i mean, i cut myself, that time was because I was about to explode , for the pressure, there were to much problems, and am the kind of girl who try to forget but this time I couldn’t cause there were too much problems for me, I couldn’t think cause I was sad about the G thing , L and J fight, and because I had a 2 on IT . But I did something what always worked, I cut myself , and everything gets better some how, in music I did it right on the test, without studying, an too on the practice part, plying the song on the piano. For other part in civics I haven’t study neither , and my folder wasn’t complete I mean when I had to have 36 articles I had 9, and the exercises where less than the half. The teacher called me and told me to take me communications book, just that, because I did it well on the test and it was like OMG, so after I did that everything gets better . When I get school J told what she an L tried to fix thing but at the end everything get worse, and I don’t know why but I was something what 2 day ago was stressing me but today I didn’t care, so I didn’t pay much attention, and when we were back to school J told me what with L , was everything ok, it was a joke, soo or im to intelligent or im a shit of friend. Later about 3 o clock we went to gym because it was a fight, while we were walking we saw the boys and it was like oh no I don’t want them to see me, and I hide my face, they saw us and told us there wasn’t a fight so then we went no neo tokio and I bought 2 book of susumiya haruhi no yuutsu. It seems the poor boys of the shop were sick of us cause we asked the price of almost everything. Then we went to my house and we passed the day watching anime. Anyway when she go I started to see inuyasha , at first was like how did I saw this?, but then I understand, I mind that anime represent my childhood , all the fantasies I had, all the games I used to play. But I didn’t get REALLY emotional until I saw the ending , those endings are my inspiration of life, they teach me a lot of things , things I forgot, I realized that I used to be authentic but now im just not being myself and I hate that.
Quise mostrarme ante ti , como alguien de duro corazón, el tiempo paso me arrepentí, ahora pediré tu perdón, mi indecisión causo en gran error, me domino el temor, hoy me descubrí y vez ante ti lo que hay en mi, ven quiero saber que eres realidad , dame felicidad , que hay en ti a reír que hay en ti al llorar, lo quiero descubrir , ¿Por qué esperar?, siempre temí entregar mi vida, hoy ya no es así, me decidí y nadie habrá que me lo impida, quiero que mi corazón lo goza un sentimiento el desconoce , el amar sin freno entregándose.
This songs talk about when people pretend to be someone else for being scared, scared of be hurt, but the time pass , and you start to know the consequences and started to feel guilty. It also talks about,in life, sometimes to have what you want , you have to give up something , sometimes is tis or this, and you can’t choose it all, and whatever you choose could change it all, then you feel scared , scared of the future , so you end leaving the decision for the next day, and the next day, but the time is over, and the decision is not yours anymore ,and for that time you ve left the insecure for more time. But you can’t evade it you get in shock for the frightening. And also make me remember how I was the last year when I was interested to know people so I used to ask them about their life’s, but that was cause y knew what knowing people lives you can find their weak point, because they gave you the key of their destruction . makes me thing about when sometimes things are so perfect that you can believe they are real but also it could happen what people sometime try to make themselves believe something is not real cause reality sometimes could be so hard that you want it make go away, believing something which it’s not real.
Yesterday I saw some old pictures, of old times of happiness, of sadness, because that moments were the best and the worst , but I realize that was me, laughing so loud what the happiness I felt seems just like a dream, and the nights of nightmares when I was lying on the bed all night crying until I sleep, the weakness of cant deal with a critic about me, the sadness that makes me do stupid thing an fall n a vicious circle and hate myself for that , the open skin the blood running it might not be there anymore, but the scars are there around my body, on my arms on my stomach, the day I get so scared than I thought I was going to died that night because I was losing to much blood, cause I lose control, cause when I cut I didn’t feel paint, I didn’t think I just did it. The obsession for a skinny body, the calories of every food, the dream I ve always was scared to lose because I get it. Weeks and weeks eating just fruit, doing exercise 6 hour per day, and throwing up everything I ate. The feeling of wake up and want sleep forever to forget my life, the sadness going on high while the hours are passing by, been te worse time, the night, and been afraid of the night, knowing what’s coming ,knowing you can’t do anything to stop it, just wait, getting to the point you start to enjoy it, when change is not an option and all that you know is sadness, and you start to forget how does it feel to be happy, how does it feel an smile on your face, but a real one, cause people realize and you have to pretend what its all all right when is not, then you star to watch them, and you learn how to control them, your life is not anymore, cause now it’s a game, when you know perfectly whats going on, the consequences, everything, friends doesn’t exist anymore they are just people who are analized for you, they are just pieces of your chessboard, of your game.
Quise mostrarme ante ti , como alguien de duro corazón, el tiempo paso me arrepentí, ahora pediré tu perdón, mi indecisión causo en gran error, me domino el temor, hoy me descubrí y vez ante ti lo que hay en mi, ven quiero saber que eres realidad , dame felicidad , que hay en ti a reír que hay en ti al llorar, lo quiero descubrir , ¿Por qué esperar?, siempre temí entregar mi vida, hoy ya no es así, me decidí y nadie habrá que me lo impida, quiero que mi corazón lo goza un sentimiento el desconoce , el amar sin freno entregándose.
This songs talk about when people pretend to be someone else for being scared, scared of be hurt, but the time pass , and you start to know the consequences and started to feel guilty. It also talks about,in life, sometimes to have what you want , you have to give up something , sometimes is tis or this, and you can’t choose it all, and whatever you choose could change it all, then you feel scared , scared of the future , so you end leaving the decision for the next day, and the next day, but the time is over, and the decision is not yours anymore ,and for that time you ve left the insecure for more time. But you can’t evade it you get in shock for the frightening. And also make me remember how I was the last year when I was interested to know people so I used to ask them about their life’s, but that was cause y knew what knowing people lives you can find their weak point, because they gave you the key of their destruction . makes me thing about when sometimes things are so perfect that you can believe they are real but also it could happen what people sometime try to make themselves believe something is not real cause reality sometimes could be so hard that you want it make go away, believing something which it’s not real.
Yesterday I saw some old pictures, of old times of happiness, of sadness, because that moments were the best and the worst , but I realize that was me, laughing so loud what the happiness I felt seems just like a dream, and the nights of nightmares when I was lying on the bed all night crying until I sleep, the weakness of cant deal with a critic about me, the sadness that makes me do stupid thing an fall n a vicious circle and hate myself for that , the open skin the blood running it might not be there anymore, but the scars are there around my body, on my arms on my stomach, the day I get so scared than I thought I was going to died that night because I was losing to much blood, cause I lose control, cause when I cut I didn’t feel paint, I didn’t think I just did it. The obsession for a skinny body, the calories of every food, the dream I ve always was scared to lose because I get it. Weeks and weeks eating just fruit, doing exercise 6 hour per day, and throwing up everything I ate. The feeling of wake up and want sleep forever to forget my life, the sadness going on high while the hours are passing by, been te worse time, the night, and been afraid of the night, knowing what’s coming ,knowing you can’t do anything to stop it, just wait, getting to the point you start to enjoy it, when change is not an option and all that you know is sadness, and you start to forget how does it feel to be happy, how does it feel an smile on your face, but a real one, cause people realize and you have to pretend what its all all right when is not, then you star to watch them, and you learn how to control them, your life is not anymore, cause now it’s a game, when you know perfectly whats going on, the consequences, everything, friends doesn’t exist anymore they are just people who are analized for you, they are just pieces of your chessboard, of your game.
17 nov 2011
skinny forever
"Pienso en las mujeres de siglos pasados que ingerían vinagre para cultivar su palidez y sus ojeras, en las que se daban fricciones con mercurio, o las que se depilaban la mitad de la frente para alargar de manera interesante sus facciones y mostrar la delicada curva del cráneo.
Pienso en las deformidades y dolores que causaban los corsés, en la falta de oxígeno y en la pesadez de arrastrar un miriñaque.
Pienso en los pies vendados de las mujeres chinas, en los collares que alargan y descoyuntan el cuello y en los tatuajes rituales de algunas tribus africanas.
Pienso en las grandes bellezas de la historia, y en cómo siempre existía algo que las convertía en mujeres peculiares, fuera su inteligencia, su ambición o su destino trágico.
Pienso en las barbaridades cometidas en nombre de la belleza, la virginidad o el papel de la mujer, y ninguna me parece más extrema, más dolorosa y grave que la actual obsesión por la delgadez y la juventud."
Ella es una chica normal, sonríe, camina y a veces se la oye cantar. Tiene esa melancolía en un sus ojos que nadie saber explicar. Camina, rápido, sin parar todos dicen q tiene prisa, pero nadie sabe a donde va.
Ella llega a su casa y allí se siente fatal, luego de un largo día, solo quiere descansar. Su paseo es un castigo, no puede dejar de pensar en todo lo q ha comido, ahora su ropa no le va a entrar.
Empieza su ceremonia, la niña empieza a contar, cierra la boca con calma, siente ganas de llorar. Su cuerpo es su complejo... ella quiere aldegazar. Todos dicen " que bella es"; pero ella no lo puede ver, solo sabe agradecer.
Su comida es su enemiga… nadie lo debe saber.
Ella se siente vacía, pobre princesita de cristal, otro día ha terminado… se va a la cama sin cenar. Mañana será otro día, otra vez a caminar…
Pienso en las deformidades y dolores que causaban los corsés, en la falta de oxígeno y en la pesadez de arrastrar un miriñaque.
Pienso en los pies vendados de las mujeres chinas, en los collares que alargan y descoyuntan el cuello y en los tatuajes rituales de algunas tribus africanas.
Pienso en las grandes bellezas de la historia, y en cómo siempre existía algo que las convertía en mujeres peculiares, fuera su inteligencia, su ambición o su destino trágico.
Pienso en las barbaridades cometidas en nombre de la belleza, la virginidad o el papel de la mujer, y ninguna me parece más extrema, más dolorosa y grave que la actual obsesión por la delgadez y la juventud."
Ella es una chica normal, sonríe, camina y a veces se la oye cantar. Tiene esa melancolía en un sus ojos que nadie saber explicar. Camina, rápido, sin parar todos dicen q tiene prisa, pero nadie sabe a donde va.
Ella llega a su casa y allí se siente fatal, luego de un largo día, solo quiere descansar. Su paseo es un castigo, no puede dejar de pensar en todo lo q ha comido, ahora su ropa no le va a entrar.
Empieza su ceremonia, la niña empieza a contar, cierra la boca con calma, siente ganas de llorar. Su cuerpo es su complejo... ella quiere aldegazar. Todos dicen " que bella es"; pero ella no lo puede ver, solo sabe agradecer.
Su comida es su enemiga… nadie lo debe saber.
Ella se siente vacía, pobre princesita de cristal, otro día ha terminado… se va a la cama sin cenar. Mañana será otro día, otra vez a caminar…
we changed
Todos me dicen 'cambiaste, cambiaste mucho' pero no entienden...todos cambiamos. Cambiamos porque sufrimos, cambiamos porque cometimos errores, y aprendemos. Cambiamos con el tiempo, porque crecemos y maduramos. Vivimos experiencias nuevas y ya no somos los mismos de antes. Cambiamos gracias a algunas personas, las buenas y las malas. Las buenas, que entran en nuestras vidas para mejorarlas, nos cuidan, y nunca se van, y las malas, que entran para hacernos ilusionar, nos hacen sufrir , y se van. Cambiamos por infinitas razones, pero todos lo hacemos. PARA BIEN, O PARA MAL.
16 nov 2011
i screw it
Ok, how can I start this? All the shit I can say is what I screw it up EVERITHING I fucking did that, and the worse of all this , is what I ve just realize, after 2 fucking years, I mean all started with a fucking dream I had, I don’t know where I was I just know it was somewhere like woods, and there I mustn’t use the computer but I was using it, but it was hide somehow, and I was talking to someone who was REALLY important to me, it was a boy, my ex boy best friend. He told me that he miss me, he missed talk with me the way we used to do it in the past, what he want to things be the same again.
When I woke up I didn’t remember anything, I think that’s just why my mind can’t deal with that, but the memories could be stronger even more than instinct of protection. I was ok all day, until the night, when I came to sleep, I tornedo on the tv and then I heard a song, a fucking song of love, I liked that song but at the same time, I started to feel bad, but I like it, I had to heard it. Silly me, cause about that song I remember the way I feel when I was with him, it was, especial. I used to feel that way and it was horrible to know I wasn’t going to feel like that again.
It was weird cause I didn’t start to cry like I used to, but its not like it’s just disappeared I started to remember the way it all started, since he get to school on seventh grade we were friends, but at the beginning of the next year we stop talking to us, until one day, I went where F and G, I came to say something to her, but they were talking about something I don’t know, but he said what he loved me and then asked me if I do the same, I said, yeaah suureeee….. like I wasn’t very convinced about what I was saying, anyway y wasn’t, then I remember when we were with the girls in art class , then he came behind me , and hold my hands looking at me in the eyes, I looked up in his eyes and then I put I head on his stomach, and we started to talk, until we realized there were people looking at us.
Then this, I realized where I was I forgot it, it was like I was trying to live again that moment, I have to admit I’m stuck in those times. But when I went back to the present I realized it haven’t change at all, it was like when I talk with him by facebook, thing what we only do every a few months, it’s like nothing has change , the I looked at the red rose witch was in my light table for year and it barely changed, then I thought thing by chat were like that, cause it was that way, but I realized what when we were face to face, nothing is the same, and it won’t be, so then I remembered the last time I saw him the day I realized it was the beginning of the end, the end of our group of friends, all of they were in bad humor, I was determinate for not to let that ruin that day caused I’ve always wanted to go to Parque de la Costa.
I ignored it all day, cause I get home, I took I shower and then I went to sleep, I was made it shit, but the next day I just felt awful I mean that day has gone . In those days I was watching an anime called shakugan no shana, and the reason was what, when I saw the opening it was like something pass across me and hit my should, I know it sounds strange but when I heard it I felt like something hit me. But that’s not the song im talking, is one called JOINT, cause I felt perfectly identify with that song.
futatabi mirusekaiwa chirito zanzou awaikage / una vez más veo este mundo,polvo imágenes del pasado y sombras desvaneciéndose /
tThis means when, I knew our friendship was getting over and I was seeing all the memories go far away, disappearing,, and then says, ¿doushita ino? ¿doushite? Kodoku no wari suo kimeta hazuu data noni¡¡ konote o hanaza naide itsuka de owaru omi kara kokoro mieru yume gaiga masameru , tsuyoi shisen no Kanata mayoi futari no sugata ga mieru, dakara susumo no saranaru toki e,
¿que deberia hacer?¿porque? pensé que estaba lista para este largo viaje¡¡ por favor no sueltes mi mano¡ tus sentimientos despiertan un deseo que no pudo expresar en mi corazón. Ante mis ojos estamos nosotros sin detenernos, por eso me moveré hacia el futuro.
That means what before we agree to meet , he called me almost every day and ask me to hang out, but I always put excuses cause I was scare of seeing the change, then I decided to hang out with him just after he came back in 15 days, and I had to be ready to see what I lost, to accept that I lost him, but that day I felt awful , I wasn’t ready and that made me shit, but I needed to take a decision , not because someone tell me
, because I needed ,but I didn’t know, cause, I want to send him to hell, because I was sick of the fact of getting sad every time I was with him, a happiness sadness, but getting to the point that I couldn’t deal with that anymore it was destroying me. But at the same time I didn’t want to give up to that friendship it was special , I didn’t want him to go away, to lose him I needed him, and what I realized he means something what his someone really special for me, and I guess those feelings were that I was in love with him, but I couldn’t accept it, when I look back I see all the things we been through , and how we solve all the problems, been there for the other taking care, cause I was wick I ve always been , but he were always to support me, so even if we weren’t friends anymore, I shouldn’t do stupid thing and move on.
Been sincere I want to shot me in the face but I can’t do anything I just can’t, it’s too late now so I guess y should see what I could do. For other part july fight with lu, for me most stupid reason in the world, well not really cause it depends of the point of view but, they just can’t fix thing and whatever the other says the other gets even more angry, even if it for fix thing, they just can’t talk right between each other’s and that’s fucking making me mad. But the thing that worry me is what they could fight but not like a silly fight , a big one, and this could be the end of the group, I don’t want that.
Lastly I feel like everything is going wrong I mean I got math’s for December and I have other signatures which I don’t know how the hell are going to be my marks , and that scared me, for example IT, I get a 2, on the test and don’t even the concept can save me, such a holly shit, it’s really worrying me, but today after that awful test I REALLY REALLY wanted to cut myself it’s like, after seeing the blood run everything gets better I know it sound crazy , but it that way, and that weird , so I started to think what to do that kind of things it like a made a pact with the devil. But it the same time while I’m doing it I always feel guilty, it’s like I’m broking a promise and if there something really important for me are the promises ,but I don’t remember what I’ve promise something like that, I don’t know, but anyway I’m fucking sick of all its stressing me, too much pressure, too much problems, too much thing to take care, fuck the only thing I want to do is go away. This weekend I’m not going to give a shit of anything, gosh I’m dying, I’m fucking dying…
When I woke up I didn’t remember anything, I think that’s just why my mind can’t deal with that, but the memories could be stronger even more than instinct of protection. I was ok all day, until the night, when I came to sleep, I tornedo on the tv and then I heard a song, a fucking song of love, I liked that song but at the same time, I started to feel bad, but I like it, I had to heard it. Silly me, cause about that song I remember the way I feel when I was with him, it was, especial. I used to feel that way and it was horrible to know I wasn’t going to feel like that again.
It was weird cause I didn’t start to cry like I used to, but its not like it’s just disappeared I started to remember the way it all started, since he get to school on seventh grade we were friends, but at the beginning of the next year we stop talking to us, until one day, I went where F and G, I came to say something to her, but they were talking about something I don’t know, but he said what he loved me and then asked me if I do the same, I said, yeaah suureeee….. like I wasn’t very convinced about what I was saying, anyway y wasn’t, then I remember when we were with the girls in art class , then he came behind me , and hold my hands looking at me in the eyes, I looked up in his eyes and then I put I head on his stomach, and we started to talk, until we realized there were people looking at us.
Then this, I realized where I was I forgot it, it was like I was trying to live again that moment, I have to admit I’m stuck in those times. But when I went back to the present I realized it haven’t change at all, it was like when I talk with him by facebook, thing what we only do every a few months, it’s like nothing has change , the I looked at the red rose witch was in my light table for year and it barely changed, then I thought thing by chat were like that, cause it was that way, but I realized what when we were face to face, nothing is the same, and it won’t be, so then I remembered the last time I saw him the day I realized it was the beginning of the end, the end of our group of friends, all of they were in bad humor, I was determinate for not to let that ruin that day caused I’ve always wanted to go to Parque de la Costa.
I ignored it all day, cause I get home, I took I shower and then I went to sleep, I was made it shit, but the next day I just felt awful I mean that day has gone . In those days I was watching an anime called shakugan no shana, and the reason was what, when I saw the opening it was like something pass across me and hit my should, I know it sounds strange but when I heard it I felt like something hit me. But that’s not the song im talking, is one called JOINT, cause I felt perfectly identify with that song.
futatabi mirusekaiwa chirito zanzou awaikage / una vez más veo este mundo,polvo imágenes del pasado y sombras desvaneciéndose /
tThis means when, I knew our friendship was getting over and I was seeing all the memories go far away, disappearing,, and then says, ¿doushita ino? ¿doushite? Kodoku no wari suo kimeta hazuu data noni¡¡ konote o hanaza naide itsuka de owaru omi kara kokoro mieru yume gaiga masameru , tsuyoi shisen no Kanata mayoi futari no sugata ga mieru, dakara susumo no saranaru toki e,
¿que deberia hacer?¿porque? pensé que estaba lista para este largo viaje¡¡ por favor no sueltes mi mano¡ tus sentimientos despiertan un deseo que no pudo expresar en mi corazón. Ante mis ojos estamos nosotros sin detenernos, por eso me moveré hacia el futuro.
That means what before we agree to meet , he called me almost every day and ask me to hang out, but I always put excuses cause I was scare of seeing the change, then I decided to hang out with him just after he came back in 15 days, and I had to be ready to see what I lost, to accept that I lost him, but that day I felt awful , I wasn’t ready and that made me shit, but I needed to take a decision , not because someone tell me
, because I needed ,but I didn’t know, cause, I want to send him to hell, because I was sick of the fact of getting sad every time I was with him, a happiness sadness, but getting to the point that I couldn’t deal with that anymore it was destroying me. But at the same time I didn’t want to give up to that friendship it was special , I didn’t want him to go away, to lose him I needed him, and what I realized he means something what his someone really special for me, and I guess those feelings were that I was in love with him, but I couldn’t accept it, when I look back I see all the things we been through , and how we solve all the problems, been there for the other taking care, cause I was wick I ve always been , but he were always to support me, so even if we weren’t friends anymore, I shouldn’t do stupid thing and move on.
Been sincere I want to shot me in the face but I can’t do anything I just can’t, it’s too late now so I guess y should see what I could do. For other part july fight with lu, for me most stupid reason in the world, well not really cause it depends of the point of view but, they just can’t fix thing and whatever the other says the other gets even more angry, even if it for fix thing, they just can’t talk right between each other’s and that’s fucking making me mad. But the thing that worry me is what they could fight but not like a silly fight , a big one, and this could be the end of the group, I don’t want that.
Lastly I feel like everything is going wrong I mean I got math’s for December and I have other signatures which I don’t know how the hell are going to be my marks , and that scared me, for example IT, I get a 2, on the test and don’t even the concept can save me, such a holly shit, it’s really worrying me, but today after that awful test I REALLY REALLY wanted to cut myself it’s like, after seeing the blood run everything gets better I know it sound crazy , but it that way, and that weird , so I started to think what to do that kind of things it like a made a pact with the devil. But it the same time while I’m doing it I always feel guilty, it’s like I’m broking a promise and if there something really important for me are the promises ,but I don’t remember what I’ve promise something like that, I don’t know, but anyway I’m fucking sick of all its stressing me, too much pressure, too much problems, too much thing to take care, fuck the only thing I want to do is go away. This weekend I’m not going to give a shit of anything, gosh I’m dying, I’m fucking dying…
10 nov 2011
friendship
I don’t know why but I can’t stop thinking about the past, and I don’t know why I’m feeling alone, I mean I have a lot of friends, but I realize I don’t keep the friendship like I used to do it, I remember 2 year ago and I was all the time in messenger talking with 8 friends and the same time, and it was the same every day, of course that doesn’t change the bad I was feeling, but at least I wasn’t alone. Now it’s like have friends to talk to, but, I don’t want to talk to them, it’s like I can’t trust them, and I know I’m really proud an I’m always thinking they are all just stupid people , but it’s horrible feel what there’s nobody to hold you, and nothing but destroy yourself will make you feel better, what kind of hope is in that, I mean keep doing this is dig my own grave, I know what I have to learn to deal with problems , but I can’t handle it, and the worse thing , the problem it’s me, the way I feel , I tried to change it, but I just can’t stop to feel like that, I’m trying to distract me listen to music and it gets worse, because I start to feel like there are not enough air , and I don’t want to feel tile that, I don’t know how to fix it, because I don’t even know the reason why I feel this way, I heard happy song and it’s like I’m never going to be happy again, and the only way that I could feel better it cutting myself. At first I didn’t want to ,I was afraid to lose control, like that day I thought I was going to die, but I’m weak, and I had to, I made me 4 cuts on my stomach , and 3 on my arm, then I felt better. What does that means? What I have to cut myself to do not be sad? Because that’s the way it seem.
The last times I felt that way was on Friday, cause 2 friends were joking about my boobs looking at them i didn’t care at first, even I ve laugh of it, but when they start to do it when the rest of the group was there, I didn’t like it at all, and I just get so furious with all of then what all I wanted to do was to see the blood run, mine of course, but I didn’t have the elements to do it, and it would be to obvious if want to the bathroom , I was really angry. But no matter how angry I was, when I saw then later I acted like it was all ok. and the last time was a few minutes ago, cause I don’t know why but I just wanted to cry, but I couldn’t, I wanted to cut myself, but i don’t have to do that anymore, cause the most possible is what a thing get to other and I ll finished losing control, losing so much blood that I would think I’m going to died, anorexic, bulimic , somehow going where I belong, where I’m from, because of those thing im the way I am and I was the way I was. But I can’t lie about it, I’m scared, because those thing are me, and one little part of me want to be like that again, but for other part I don’t want to, because I know what does that matter, fights , nights of nightmare, been dying inside with a sea of tear, and that the poison secret what everyone will wants to know. Couse no one had to know the way I feel, everything I ll have to keep it inside of me, and the vomit and blood will be the way ill clean myself, and the days without eating will be my penalty , but looking from the outside im going to be the mysterious girl who know everything and its always happy, people will come like ants to a piece of cake, but they don’t know the reason why the does, and that’s why the good energy they ll feel being around me it’s the paint I feel inside, while the secret its bigger , the lie it is, and while , more perfect it seem from the outside, its more destroyed in the inside.
-Facil es ocupar un lugar en la agenda telefonica.
-Difilcil es ocupar el corazon de alguien.
-Facil es juzgar los errores de otros.
-Dificil es reconocer nuestros propios errores.
-Facil es herir a quien nos ama.
-Dificil es curar esa herida.
-Facil es perdonar a otros.
-Dificil es pedir perdon.
-Facil es soñar todas las noches.
-Dificil es luchar por un sueño.
-Facil es exhibir la victoria.
-Dificil es asumir la derrota con dignidad.
-Facil es decir que amamos.
-Difilcil es demostrarlo todos los dias...
-Facil es criticar a los demas.
-Dificil es mejorar uno mismo...
-Facil es pensar en mejorar.
-Dificil es dejar de pensarlo y realmante hacerlo..
-Facil es recibir.
-Dificil es dar
The last times I felt that way was on Friday, cause 2 friends were joking about my boobs looking at them i didn’t care at first, even I ve laugh of it, but when they start to do it when the rest of the group was there, I didn’t like it at all, and I just get so furious with all of then what all I wanted to do was to see the blood run, mine of course, but I didn’t have the elements to do it, and it would be to obvious if want to the bathroom , I was really angry. But no matter how angry I was, when I saw then later I acted like it was all ok. and the last time was a few minutes ago, cause I don’t know why but I just wanted to cry, but I couldn’t, I wanted to cut myself, but i don’t have to do that anymore, cause the most possible is what a thing get to other and I ll finished losing control, losing so much blood that I would think I’m going to died, anorexic, bulimic , somehow going where I belong, where I’m from, because of those thing im the way I am and I was the way I was. But I can’t lie about it, I’m scared, because those thing are me, and one little part of me want to be like that again, but for other part I don’t want to, because I know what does that matter, fights , nights of nightmare, been dying inside with a sea of tear, and that the poison secret what everyone will wants to know. Couse no one had to know the way I feel, everything I ll have to keep it inside of me, and the vomit and blood will be the way ill clean myself, and the days without eating will be my penalty , but looking from the outside im going to be the mysterious girl who know everything and its always happy, people will come like ants to a piece of cake, but they don’t know the reason why the does, and that’s why the good energy they ll feel being around me it’s the paint I feel inside, while the secret its bigger , the lie it is, and while , more perfect it seem from the outside, its more destroyed in the inside.
-Facil es ocupar un lugar en la agenda telefonica.
-Difilcil es ocupar el corazon de alguien.
-Facil es juzgar los errores de otros.
-Dificil es reconocer nuestros propios errores.
-Facil es herir a quien nos ama.
-Dificil es curar esa herida.
-Facil es perdonar a otros.
-Dificil es pedir perdon.
-Facil es soñar todas las noches.
-Dificil es luchar por un sueño.
-Facil es exhibir la victoria.
-Dificil es asumir la derrota con dignidad.
-Facil es decir que amamos.
-Difilcil es demostrarlo todos los dias...
-Facil es criticar a los demas.
-Dificil es mejorar uno mismo...
-Facil es pensar en mejorar.
-Dificil es dejar de pensarlo y realmante hacerlo..
-Facil es recibir.
-Dificil es dar
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